here I am again with a basket full of questions..I always keep wondering, Why do I go on questioning about something or the other?? I hope its healthy..

The main reason I am writing this blog is because I cant find anything else more interesting to do right now. I am at one place and I want to be at another place doing something else..but since you are not free to do anything you want anytime you want even in a free country, you have to pick up the best choice you have got in the limited options presented.

For example, now I want to just go out, lie on grass and just stare into the sky. But thats not commercially viable...The only outlet I have got for all my pent up emotions and thoughts seems to be this blog right now, since there arent any of my close friends in the vicinity.

Somehow I feel academic environment is more satisfying than the corporate environment. In school you have assignments and exams and you study hard to get good grades. There is this great sense of satisfaction and achievement once you have finished your examination or presentation. But with the corporate world, at least the one I am in right now, there are so many disappointments...You cant be in the project you want to be, You cant implement the technology you want, everything has to go through a Project Manager who decides what is best for the company...agreed, thats the best way to go...but what about individual satisfaction??

If you are not feeling happy with what you are doing, Is it the Manager's fault in not making you feel good about it or is it yours in not voicing your opinion more emphatically and in not pushing your thoughts forward?? Whose fault is it?? How many mangers have time and patience to actually see if his/her employees are actually feeling good abt what they are doing? and how many can actually make them happy if they are disappointed abt something...as far as I know very few..

But then the success of the company lies in how motivated and passionate its employees are..right? How else can you explain the zeal with which most of the employees in the top-notch companies talk? or is it just me??

well, whatever may be the answers to my questions, as Lord Krishna said in Gita, "You have to do your duty" ( I cant remember the exact words, but something to this effect)..my duty is to do my work with interest and passion and strive towards acheiving better results for my employer....and always remember to love and live your life to the fullest!!

so here I am again..after a week with the flu and some long hours at work, finally a weekend..huh!! happy..suddenly I was so free and my mind was a total blank !!

There was nothing interesting on TV and I was not in the mood to talk to anyone..and not interested in reading either...so was just lying down and thinking..just thinking..about myself, about my past all these 23 years..seemed like a long journey and I started thinking ..where am I heading to?? again a big blank...complete void..seriously I was scared..scared that I might not find anything in life interesting anymore..and thats so scary..becoz then you dont enjoy life..you dont feel like living anymore..so to get me out of that bottomless abyss...I need to find a branch to hang on to...to get me to like life again..to get me to think of chocolates and beautiful dresses..

I have got to think of something to dream about and that too very fast..before I become too dull to dream..what is it that I cant have now?? becoz that alone can keep me going now...To make you understand heres a simple example..My cousin from sweden once brought these delicious belgian sea shell chocolates..and they were absolutely awesome..I had never tasted something so exotic before..they simply melt in your mouth..and they did get over..pretty soon and then I could never get those chocolates anywhere in India or US..and recently I remembered those sea shells and just kept dreaming about them and I was so excited and happy becoz I had to get those sea shells somehow and the temptation kept my adrenaline flowing..and I started my search ..this time I found a web site where I could order them..I was so excited :) ..then I found them in my local walmart with all other christmas candies..I was so happy when I saw those...Immediately I bought them and had one..then I had almost half the box in another week and I was very satisfied...suddenly those sea shells dont seem so tempting too me anymore...thats a bit sad..you know...becoz I lost something that could hold my interest and seeing those sea shells again wont bring me that great anticipation again...so there ends my example...

thats the proof to my theory that you have got to have something to dream about, to keep going on in life..there should be something to look forward to, otherwise life is not worth it any more...its just like..when you open your inbox you want to see a a real personal mail for you..not another spam or some great deal...when you open the door of your house every evening after coming from work, you want a loved one to give you a hug and when you close your eyes in the night, you want an angel to come into your dreams.......its that simple...every day you want to see something waiting for you..we all need to be feel wanted...simple principle yet so powerful and we all go to such great lengths to attain power and money and at the end of the day all that matters is that small smile or touch..and it will make your day

I sound like a romeo, isnt it?? suddenly somehow I feel ok...I am not angry with life now and I am smiling, becoz then life is like that...it will never tire you out...actually.

maybe all the answers lie in those eyes.......

When I look into your Spanish eyes
I know the reason why I am alive
And the world is so beautiful tonight